Hold Her
A Poem by Shelley Kavanagh
Recently DoulaCare Ireland ran our 6th annual CPD Weekend. Every year since 2017 on the last weekend in January we organise a jam packed weekend of learning and development of doula skills and knowledge. Myself and Jen have always recognised the importance of continuing to advance our learning to enhance the support and professional service we offer to the clients we work with. So when we started DoulaCare we felt it was important that any doula offering support to clients would be committed to ongoing learning. As a result, we ask any doula offering services through DoulaCare to send in evidence they have attended the equivalent of 21 hours of learning every year as part of their agreement with us. In order to facilitate and support this goal we offer a CPD weekend for Contractors s and we now also open some of these talks to other doulas and birth professionals.
Over the 2 days we get to connect with other doulas around Ireland, add to our knowledge base and talk about all things birth and postpartum. We always come away feeling rejuvenated, inspired by the speakers and from connecting with others who are equally passionate about making a difference to the clients we all support and .
This year we had speakers Niamh McCabe - an obstetrician with a vast knowledge of VBAC Support who worked for many years in the North of Ireland, and Dr Wendy Jones who spoke on breastfeeding while using medications. We also had Gemma Doyle, a birth and postpartum doula, speak about the positive impact birth debriefs can have for clients.
Over the course of the weekend Shelley Kavanagh shared this poignant and heartrending poem with our group. Shelley is a birth and postpartum doula who runs Nurture Birth and also offers her services to clients through DoulaCare. Inspired by her work as a postpartum doula, her poem captures the overwhelm and intensity of that birth and postpartum period - especially if a birth has not gone as planned and there has been birth trauma. It captures so well the huge lack of support and loneliness so many new parents experience after baby arrives. The invisibility of a new Mother/birthing person when the majority of society moves their focus to the baby and forgets about the parents, dismissing their experiences, once baby is healthy and well. On reading it, I was blown away by how powerful it was and immediately asked her if we could share it to a wider audience. And she very kindly said yes. And we are so grateful to her for allowing us to share it.
We were never built to do pregnancy, birth or parenting on our own, and yet in our modern society that is so often the way we have to. Isolated and alone, recovering from birth we are often neglected and dismissed, ignored and overlooked. Left to try to manage and feeling like we are failing because everyone else seems to be doing so well.
This poem is for all new mums/parents out there - know you are not alone. Know that it is normal to struggle and feel overwhelmed in these first few weeks. Know that what you are going through - that path to parenting - is a huge transition and it can be tough. Know that while of course it’s important you have a healthy baby, it’s OK to mourn the birth you had hoped for if things did not go as you hoped. Know that birth trauma is real. Know that you deserved to be treated humanely during your labour and you deserve to be waited on hand and foot once you get home from the hospital. You deserve to have someone ask how you are doing and listen to your answer.
Know that most people find those first few weeks intense, exhausting, scary, exhilarating and so much more. And most important - know that you were never meant to do this on your own, it does indeed take a village (and if you don’t have a village it’s not a failure to ask for more support from friends, family or a postpartum doula).
***Trigger warning*** Birth Trauma
Hold Her by Shelley Kavanagh
She hopes
She dreams
She grows
She knows
She is ready
She goes
A Birth Dream fades to
Theatre Noises
Shaking Limbs and
Loud Voices
Vomit and Blood
Manoeuvring Hands
Baby cries
Things Calm
Sher all is grand...
Is she?
She weeps
She leaks
She sweats
She frets
She is bereft of a Life
Once so well kept
She feels everything
She feels nothing
She is bent
She is spent
She is Emotional scars
She is Healing wounds
She is No sleep
She is Worry
She is Confusion
She is Pain
She is Blood
She is Milk
She is Tears
She is Sweat
She is Love
She is Lost
She is Overwhelm
She, She; don't leave her behind
But Sher isn't baby grand
Hold her Heart
Hold her Mind
Mind her Heart
Mind her Mind
Give her a Cuppa
Give her Peace of Mind
Written by: Shelley Kavanagh, Birth @ Postpartum Doula www.nurturebirth.ie
